I truly love training and competing in agility with my dogs. I am presently on this journey with my 4.5 year Aussie – Courageous Kaiden. He is very different than Sir Lukas was in that Lukie and I were a team/one in the same… I knew what he was going to do; he knew what I was going to do. I guess 11.5 years of running together does that…

Kaiden is helping me expand my thinking and my skills. You see – when Kaiden when is playing at home… swimming in the pond, chasing the ball, walking with me gives 110%… and yet he is a pretty mellow dog being able to turn it off when we are finished. I think he is beautiful inside and out… he loves life.

In running agility – a sport he loves – he also gives 110%.  He acts like he is an extremely confident dog but in reality he’s pretty “soft.”  I have to be careful even in the way I look at him as he is very perceptive and knows when I am disappointed.

The last couple of trials I have been extremely upset with myself for one reason or the other.  The first time it was because I called him off of the entry to the tunnel that I sent him to – and he came perfectly!  In reality, he was correct and for whatever reason, I saw something that wasn’t there.  I was so upset because – I didn’t trust him.  He knew what to do and I didn’t trust him.  That episode actually brought me to tears because I know he is a good dog – and what was I thinking???

Another time, I got in his way and instead of taking me out – he dropped the bar.  I was thankful for that – but again – I thought I was doing him wrong.  I even thought for a moment… “If only he had another handler… a better handler.”

Oh my – I needed to “get a grip!”  I know that that kind of thinking does not do one well.  I know that that kind of thinking only hurts one’s chances of being successful.  I know that that kind of thinking only hurts one’s chances of reaching one’s dreams.   So – STOP IT!!

I knew I had to figure this out if I was going to be “successful” in a sport that I truly love. I had had multiple episodes of negative self talk… why?? I know that is not good – yet I participated in it. Why were my mistakes taking such a toll on me mentally??

So why was I doing this?  After some reflection, it was as if I was putting who I am now since I have retired – on display.  It was as if my self worth since I have retired was on display for all to see.  Crazy… but true.  I was putting who I was and relating it to how I was competing and more and worse – I was successful – a successful person – by my success on the course as determined by whether I qualified in the run or not.  I was putting an extraordinary amount of pressure on myself… and was folding by it.  Oh my… what was I doing to myself and my pup!

This is what I knew – I must reflect and figure this out. I had always done that in my “job” at school – why not here?!?!

So now what?